Motive.

There comes a point in everyone's life when they realize that no matter what you do - how much effort you put forth, how much money you spend and no matter what words you say or how much you give of yourself - you can't make someone care about you the same way you care for them.  You can't make them appreciate you.

Bending over backwards to be there for someone may not merit a simple thank you or even kindness in return.  It won't prove your worth in their eyes if they are unwillingly to see it. When you get down to it, they may know the sacrifice you are making. They just may not care at all.

So, here comes the question: at what point do you stop being kind?  When does the level of concern or care in your heart become overshadowed by the need to feel, well, needed?

It is entirely human - this need to feel needed by another, especially by those we care about the most.  I think parents must go through this when kids leave the house when the separation paired with a severance of complete dependency hits them.  It happens when relationships are torn apart or the nature of a relationship changes.  It happens in one-sided friendships, when one friend perceives a level of intimacy that the other does not.

It happens.

I have a tendency to pull back when I feel that I've put myself in a situation where I feel I've given too much of my time, my resources or my heart to a person or an organization that no longer "needs" me.  Where one moment, I am nursing the problems of another or a situation - the next moment I am standing, arms folded and cold.  Even condescending. Something, and most definitely something not good, inside says to take action against before action is taken against you...or worse, before you merit no action at all.

While I don't believe its necessarily wise to stretch yourself thin for someone who doesn't care whether you are there or not, I don't think just tensing up and lashing out is the best method either and I think there's probably something to be said here about what it means to be truly selfless...

Which comes down to a question of motivation.
And maybe some of my motives need to be questioned.

* * * * *

the list:

- Randi's first aid training.
- No broken bones.
- No head injuries.
- No tickets.
- Or hospital visits.
- For friends who care.
- And even those who don't.
- Reminders.
- Directions.
- And again, for promises.

Until...