Journals.

Some days, I need to be reminded of where I've been.

My old prayer journals have been my eyes into a spiritual past that is at times fiery and passionate, to almost non-existent. The patterns of growth and stagnation are almost predictable.  At times, I even have to laugh - and I'm sure God chuckles as well.

The journal that stayed with me through my summer in Japan was written with the eyes and heart of a woman rediscovering what it is to love God like a child, and what is is to be loved by God as a woman.  There is a hint of growing up that I didn't notice then, but see now as I re-read the sloppy pages of devotional entries and daily logs of my time in Tokyo.  There is a beat of consistency, a steady sense of self.

It seems like a struggle everyday to keep up with just being me. Something that should be so simple - being yourself - is actually really difficult. But, knowing that He made me to love just as I was created makes the battle for self-preservation worthwhile and - as I am ever finding out - the right people start filtering into your life the more you are just who you are. That's something to be excited about...

* * * * *

Kiss my lips and purify me whole -

My words mean nothing

Letters and breaths assembled

Into sound that is empty

If You aren't laying the truth on my tongue

I want to drink deeply of You and

have the way Your love tastes 

always in my mouth 

af - june2009

* * * * * 

the list:

- Sunshine!

- KayKay and Sara.

- Dreams.

- Simple pleasures.

- The smell of freshly brewed coffee.

- Erika Maru.

- Yuri and our goma tofu!

- Constant affirmation of Your love.

- ...and Your will.

- and just for You.

Until...