When I wake up in the morning love
And my heart is filled with pain
The smile I had up on my face is gone
Can't see the sunshine from the rain
And my heart is filled with pain
The smile I had up on my face is gone
Can't see the sunshine from the rain
I meant to get on here and talk about all the great times I was having with the Hilo Hawaii team before now, but the time never seemed to come. I promise I'll get back to that soon -- but that's not why I sat down to write today.
After returning from a long day at Tokyo University with Chi Alpha and the Hilo Hawaii team on their last day of ministry, I found out that my grandfather had passed away in Oklahoma on Monday night. Fortunately, my mom was online at that time so I was able to talk to her a bit about what was going on at home. My Grandpa Fosburg had been sick on and off for many years, so I knew that there was a possibility he would pass while I was in Japan - but one is never really prepared for this kind of news. I was blessed to have Joyce and Yuri on hand to pray with that night, and also the whole Hilo team.
He had been suffering more through this last year than the years before, and I believe he was growing tired. In this way, I am able to rejoice in his release into peace from a place of pain. I know he is free now from the limitations his illnesses forced upon him. The hardest part now is the distance between me and my family during this time. My sister and I haven't really experienced death in our immediate family before - this is the closest grief has ever been to my home - and I'm not there to be with them.
It was difficult to sleep, and even more difficult to get up today. Where is the balance between grief and strength? More than anything, right now it would be really easy to start feeling guilty that I am not there to stand by my family.
In Tokyo, I am on the go daily - and having only been here two weeks, I'm still sorting out my scheduling and experiencing a lot of "firsts." Today was my first day teaching at the yochien(kindergarten) that I visit twice a month. Susan took me with her the day after I got to Japan to see how things went there, but I was still a little unsure how the kids would like me and everything....and I was just so tired on the train and during the 10 minute walk to the yochien. I just kept praying, "Lord, please make me joyful so I can be full of light with these kids."
And, as ever, He is faithful.
Once I was there, things went smoothly and it was extremely refreshing to be with the kids and see how simple it is to make them laugh and feel good about themselves just as they are. As I left the building when the class was over, I turned my iPod back on and that old Kirk Franklin song "Gonna Be A Lovely Day" came on. The first verse is at the top of this post.
Yes, losing Grandpa is really hard. It's really sad. I keep wondering if the voicemail he left on my phone before I left for Japan will still be there or not when I go back to Oklahoma next year. I can't listen to it here. I want to cry, and I want to just go to sleep, and I want to hug my grandma and my parents and my sister. Yes, the distance between us is felt more now than before. But, when I think about Christ - and the way He suffered alone in His own death - and the way He loves us - I know there is reason to rejoice even in dark times.
So - instead of sorrow, I chose remembrance. Instead of grief, I chose joy. Instead of feeling guilty, I chose feeling called to the purpose that brought me to Japan to begin with in even greater measure. He is still God - and He is faithful to His promises of joy, peace, and comfort for my family and for me.
I know Grandpa would want me to have peace as I'm just starting this adventure in Tokyo. Before I left, he told me often how proud he was of me for accepting this gift from God and he was able to tell me goodbye then - just in case this very thing happened while I was gone. He was ready, and so I will be as well.
Jesus, You know all things. You knew the day and time that we would say goodbye to Grandpa Fosburg from the very beginning. I trust that all things are in Your hands. I trust that You are faithful to your promises. I thank You for joy. I thank You for peace and most of all, Lord, I thank You for Your precious love. You are compassionate in all ways - and You know our pain. Thank You for Your comfort that extends beyond oceans and state lines and brings my family together in this time. You are limitless and full of love. I love You, Jesus, and my life is Yours in all things --
For my family, I do wish I could be there with you in this moment. I can take comfort in knowing that you are all together, and in turn - know that I am not alone here. Susan, Joyce, and Yuri are here praying for me and for you as we say goodbye to Grandpa Fosburg. I love you so much.
Until soon.
Amanda
After returning from a long day at Tokyo University with Chi Alpha and the Hilo Hawaii team on their last day of ministry, I found out that my grandfather had passed away in Oklahoma on Monday night. Fortunately, my mom was online at that time so I was able to talk to her a bit about what was going on at home. My Grandpa Fosburg had been sick on and off for many years, so I knew that there was a possibility he would pass while I was in Japan - but one is never really prepared for this kind of news. I was blessed to have Joyce and Yuri on hand to pray with that night, and also the whole Hilo team.
He had been suffering more through this last year than the years before, and I believe he was growing tired. In this way, I am able to rejoice in his release into peace from a place of pain. I know he is free now from the limitations his illnesses forced upon him. The hardest part now is the distance between me and my family during this time. My sister and I haven't really experienced death in our immediate family before - this is the closest grief has ever been to my home - and I'm not there to be with them.
It was difficult to sleep, and even more difficult to get up today. Where is the balance between grief and strength? More than anything, right now it would be really easy to start feeling guilty that I am not there to stand by my family.
But when I think of You...
In Tokyo, I am on the go daily - and having only been here two weeks, I'm still sorting out my scheduling and experiencing a lot of "firsts." Today was my first day teaching at the yochien(kindergarten) that I visit twice a month. Susan took me with her the day after I got to Japan to see how things went there, but I was still a little unsure how the kids would like me and everything....and I was just so tired on the train and during the 10 minute walk to the yochien. I just kept praying, "Lord, please make me joyful so I can be full of light with these kids."
And, as ever, He is faithful.
Once I was there, things went smoothly and it was extremely refreshing to be with the kids and see how simple it is to make them laugh and feel good about themselves just as they are. As I left the building when the class was over, I turned my iPod back on and that old Kirk Franklin song "Gonna Be A Lovely Day" came on. The first verse is at the top of this post.
Yes, losing Grandpa is really hard. It's really sad. I keep wondering if the voicemail he left on my phone before I left for Japan will still be there or not when I go back to Oklahoma next year. I can't listen to it here. I want to cry, and I want to just go to sleep, and I want to hug my grandma and my parents and my sister. Yes, the distance between us is felt more now than before. But, when I think about Christ - and the way He suffered alone in His own death - and the way He loves us - I know there is reason to rejoice even in dark times.
So - instead of sorrow, I chose remembrance. Instead of grief, I chose joy. Instead of feeling guilty, I chose feeling called to the purpose that brought me to Japan to begin with in even greater measure. He is still God - and He is faithful to His promises of joy, peace, and comfort for my family and for me.
I know Grandpa would want me to have peace as I'm just starting this adventure in Tokyo. Before I left, he told me often how proud he was of me for accepting this gift from God and he was able to tell me goodbye then - just in case this very thing happened while I was gone. He was ready, and so I will be as well.
Jesus, You know all things. You knew the day and time that we would say goodbye to Grandpa Fosburg from the very beginning. I trust that all things are in Your hands. I trust that You are faithful to your promises. I thank You for joy. I thank You for peace and most of all, Lord, I thank You for Your precious love. You are compassionate in all ways - and You know our pain. Thank You for Your comfort that extends beyond oceans and state lines and brings my family together in this time. You are limitless and full of love. I love You, Jesus, and my life is Yours in all things --
Lord, just one thought of You -
and I know it's gonna be a lovely day
For my family, I do wish I could be there with you in this moment. I can take comfort in knowing that you are all together, and in turn - know that I am not alone here. Susan, Joyce, and Yuri are here praying for me and for you as we say goodbye to Grandpa Fosburg. I love you so much.
Until soon.
Amanda
I will most definitely say a prayer for your family.
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